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That's what I want to know. What am I getting out of my life?? You may not want to read this post because I have some feelings that I am just going to lay out there because I'm having them and need to vent.
I go to work. Most of you know I work swing shift which means my hours change weekly. I try to sleep. Not always well when I work midnights and usually cut short when I work other shifts because of the needs of my children. I still have to make dinner, vacuum, dust, clean toilets, pick up dirty laundry, do the laundry, fold clothes, put clothes away, deal with my ex over the kids, pay all the bills, take care of the childrens needs and what am I getting from all of this?? What?? Because I don't have a clue. I give and I give and I give some more. What do I get?? I had to use my stinkin birthday money just to buy groceries. I'm tired & angry all the time. At least I feel that I am. I'm not a nice person lately and I hate it. I hate it. Something has got to change.
I'm just so frustrated with these feelings. I don't know what to do about them, that is why I'm hoping journaling them will help. It's just one thing after another...everyone needs or wants a piece of me and my time but what am I getting out of all of this??
I give. That's my fault. I don't want to stop giving, that's not my personality...but I give so much I put myself in very bad spots. And now I'm just living a very angry life.
*sigh*
1 comment:
I'm right there with ya! I've had to spend birthday and Christmas money on groceries while everyone else spent theirs on whatever they wanted. I did at least get to spend some of it on myself this year, though.
What you are getting is the personal reward of seeing two lovely girls growing up guided by the capable hands of their loving and hardworking mom. It may not seem like much sometimes, but the kids are learning from you about work ethic as well as selflesness.
Anyhow, just when things get a bit better financially, go spend some money on yourself (pay yourself back the birthday money!) and don't you dare feel one bit guilty!
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